Little Big Man

Kiddo started Kindergarten.

I cried. 

The Husband cried.

Seeing his little self getting on that bus with his big Ol' Backpack and his Purple Crayon name tag, it was a bit overwhelming.  I had to dab my eyes in the car and sink back against the seat.  I worried all day about his First Day.  Would he find the bathroom?  How was the cafeteria working out?  He was fine. More interested in playing his DS when he got home than tell us ANYTHING about ANYTHING.   He was rather calm. 

Then a few days later, the Fundraiser Crap arrived at the house.

OMG.

They have to sell Five Items to attend the BMX bike show.

Holy crap monkeys.

It took me an hour or more to wade through everything.  Here's the deal, he can't read.  I can.  Therefore, who is doing the work?!

We survived the First Fundraiser with minimal injury.   I see Second Fundraiser is labeled on the school calendar for October.

Goodie.  Hoping I don't have to sell anything ya know!

But I digress....

I see my Kiddo get bigger every day.  He's somewhat reading.  He tells outlandish tales that I have to warn the grandparents over and over again...THEY ARE NOT REAL.

He had a little girl calling him 'a baby' on the bus.  For days he complained about being called 'a baby'.  Then one morning I happened to over hear her... "HEY BABY".  It was not A Baby, it was HEY BABY.

Really?!  She's FIVE!

 And he's all offended....

Too cute...

And that's True Parental Love Folks...

What is True Parental Love?

Some might say it's staying up all night with a sick little one, while not changing their puked upon clothes, nor sleeping, nor thinking straight.

Nah...that's for sissies.

Some might say it's putting their child in the Best School/Daycare/Preschool.

Nah...that's no fun.  Lets go with one that is sorta shady and let the kids duke it out!

But no really...in the past few months I've compiled a List of True Parental Love markers.

Feeling every stinking freaking fracking Angry Birds Mystery Pack at Target/Walgreens/whereever until you find one that you THINK might be the Darth Vader Bird and THEN paying $3 for the damned thing.

Buying the Yoda Bird and C3P0 Bird on Amazon because you've felt way too many bags already and the clerks are on to you.

Feeling up the Legos Mini Figures Mystery Packs in the same regard.  Only these damned things are so alike you can't begin to tell what is inside.  I give up, I'm not going to find the Knight. And I'm not buying it on Amazon.  Life will go on...and his Birthday is over.

Getting hit in the face with a Baseball...by a very enthusiastic six year old.  Before my 20th Class Reunion...and laughing about it...the next day. 

Filling out all these Fund Raiser forms.  Really?  He's in Kindergarten.  He can't read.  He trusts us.  I could be writing anything!

Running an online Facebook auction for friends to 'bid' on being the 7th Postcard I needed to complete his Fund Raising Goal for tonight.  My ad featured 'a handwritten autograph by a very cute six year old who may or may not be famous someday!'  Plus it guaranteed that they did not need to purchase anything to receive card and must promise not to purchase anything when they did receive it.  I had a pile of 'bids' and now have a secret stash of addresses to use in the future.

That my friends...is True Parental Love.

That and handing your kid the last home made roll at dinner last night because they didn't feel good and didn't want 'chicken again'.

My rolls are damned good...

I guess I love him. 

Almost there...

One more week of Freedom for Kiddo...Then Kindergarten begins.

Thus begins Homework, Teacher Conferences, Lunch Room Drama, After School Activities, etc etc etc.

I'm not sure I am ready for this.

I'm seriously having a bit of an anxiety attack over it.

What if they bring home Algebra?  What will I do?!  I can't do Algebra, nor Geometry. 

I know they won't bring that kind of work home for a few years, but I am still sweating it.

I cannot break down in tears in front of my child at the kitchen table over an acute triangle.  

That and Ratios.   Holy crap.  Ratios are closer than Algebra.

Can we rewind just a notch? 

I'll love you....

Kiddo turns 6 on Saturday.

Where has the time gone? 

He's gone from the itty bitty baby that we brought home from the hospital to this gangly six year old that is commandeering my cell phone on a regular basis and operating the TV remotes like a pro.  He has not been introduced to the Playstation/Nintendo/Wii yet, but The Husband and I have a lovely surprise for his Birthday morning.  A bright shiny red Nintendo 3DS.  I'm so excited, and I have no idea why.  I'm just going to see the top of his head for the next 20 years.

He's knocking on 50 pounds and I am going to have to adjust his car seat AGAIN.  Imagine my dismay when I found out that after 50 pounds we can no longer use the LATCH system and have to move on to having it secured by the seat belt.  What the hell?  The LATCH is just so much simpler.  Now The Husband and I have to figure out how to feed the seat belt through, fight out in the driveway, get sweaty and hot in the backseat (and not in a good way) while cussing the whole train wreck. 

I did an online height estimator on him and it projected him to be 6' 4".  OMG!  How am I supposed to feed 6' 4" when he won't eat beef of any type?  Or much in the way of processed foods?  Or most cereals?  I cringe at the thought of buying 50 pounds of baby corn and baby carrots every week.  I don't think they make that much French dressing!

He's got an obsession with all things Star Wars, Angry Birds, Angry Birds Star Wars, and Legos (PS...dear Legos company.  You can kiss my ass.  Your impossibly hard and overpriced Legos sets are the bane of my existence.  I for one am slightly jealous of your genius and marketing, but on the other hand...well, you can kiss my ass).

He's in a new school for the summer.  I am not a fan.  But it will be Ok for a few more weeks.  There isn't much structure to his day.  He isn't getting to draw as often.  Apparently they don't read very often either.  They do play.  A lot.  And he is outside.  A lot.  So I guess it counts for something.  I'm just ready for him to start Kindergarten.  I miss his old preschool terribly, to the point I schlepped his behind up for Vacation Bible School last week.  He had an absolute blast and The Husband and I managed to slip in two mini dates.  One to Waffle House and one to GameStop to finish up his birthday.

He will willingly wet his hair now.  He spent four hours at the pool at one of our campgrounds this summer and came out with perfectly dry tousled hair.  However, last night, in the shower, I catch him ducking his head into the water and giggling with glee.  He is also wetting his comb on a regular basis to 'make his hair look nice' in the morning.   Before, if you just mentioned water he would start shrieking as if we had drowned him and then rolled him in ground glass.

My baby is growing up into a Big Boy.

But I still get my cuddles at night.  My child still will not go to bed alone.  So I am still trekking upstairs with a book (some nights) and my Iphone (more nights) for a bedtime story/video.  Then we cuddle...and whisper...

"Kiddo...I'll love you forever and ever"

"I love you too mom.  Even when you get old and die...I'll still love you"

Makes a Mom proud a little...and somewhat skeeved out...but proud.

All the magic

Kiddo lost his tooth last night.

This has been an ongoing process...with weeping and wailing, some excitement, some more weeping and wailing.  All very Kiddo style.

Last night it just fell out.   While he was eating pizza...at 1030p at night. 

Long story short, Kiddo has strep, The Husband let him literally sleep five hours yesterday afternoon, so he partied hard until 2am when I gave up and we went to bed.   I just opted to doze on the couch while he watched the Kung Fu Panda marathon and drank his juice.   The Husband had an out...he too is sick so he was asleep.

But anywhoooo....

Kiddo very matter of factly announced he had lost his tooth.  Holding it in his hand in surprise.

He leaps off the couch, runs to the bedroom to announce it to the half conscious Husband, and races back to me.

Then his little eyes filled up with tears.

"Now I HAVE to grow up mom"

All the magic was in that tooth...

Foot in Mouth

For once it wasn't me that said something really stupid...

Not 'I'll be out of your hair in a minute' to a patient that is clearly wearing a VERY bad toupee.

Not smacking a band aid onto a patient...on their ass...yeah that was great.

I've had a few foot in mouth moments...more or less from trying to make a patient feel slightly better, crack a joke, fill up empty silence in a room while a patient sits in the corner and seethes about their copay, waiting time, the fact I make them step on the scale and don't share in the fat jokes.

But the biggest foot in mouth came when a certain patient came in.

And it wasn't my foot...

You see, Kiddo has to switch daycare in the next few weeks.  The one he is at is in the wrong county/district from where he will have to go to Elementary School.  This has been a mess of a decision. 

Our county is not the hot bed of high end child care.  Or really even mediocre childcare.  There are only two licensed facilities.  One of which I described two summers ago as being Ain't No Way, and the one that I'll now refer to as Chuck. 

You'll see why.

As the Chuck employee and I are talking, I find out a few things. 

Apparently Kiddo's new daycare does A LOT of field trips in the summer. 

Like A WHOLE lot.  Three a week.

Of which I was unaware.

Uhm...okay.

When she and I spoke, I was only aware of McDonalds Fridays, and bounce houses.

I wasn't aware that an hour away pool was involved...every week.

I didn't care for the pool idea.  Kiddo DESPISES water and doesn't swim.  I could just imagine someone thinking they were funny and throwing him in.

I just stay silent as I sort medications, and enter vitals. 

She then starts to describe  the inflatable water slide they get. 

So I am probably glaring at her when I said 'Oh, hmmmm really?  Kiddo doesn't care for water, he'll probably just chill out on his towel' (which is what he usually does on water day)

She scowls at me...then laughs.  Like a weird laugh.  

The Oh-heres-a-mom-protecting-her-wittle-boy laugh. 

You know the laugh.

She then announces 'Oh, we just take them up and chuck em down anyway'.

I pause.  I blink.  I get her pharmacy information and I leave the room.

I immediately text my husband that we have to switch daycares.  This wasn't going to work for us.

Crap.

There was one hold out daycare.  A small church that had opened a preschool a few years ago.  As far as I knew they didn't have summer care, only during the school year.  But I'll just leave him at the one he is at currently for the summer and just deal with him knowing no one in Kindergarten.

So I call.

Guess what...they do have a summer program.  A small summer program.  

With a few field trips and an option for kids to stay back at the school if the parents aren't comfortable with the travel.

Oh...that's cool.

A director that is super nice.  And communicative.

The Husband goes by and does a drop by tour. 

He likes it.

I leave work today with Kiddo and we head straight there.  And I tour it. 

Kiddo makes fast friends with a little boy his age that he will be going to Kindergarten with. 

I hand over the enrollment forms.

I'm out $40 from the admission fee for Chuck.  Oh well. 

It's worth it to not have to Chuck a teacher down a water slide.

Not cool.

Not what we had expected...

A new couple moved into the neighborhood a couple of weeks ago.  We heard they had a four year old boy.  I was excited.  Finally, another kid that Kiddo could possible play with and get his ya-ya's out with on a regular basis. 

I dreamed of another mom I could hang out with and talk.

I'm sure The Husband had a plan too.  Hoping for another guy to hunt with.   Or talk cars and trucks.

The Husband and I were honestly just hoping for another normal(ish) couple ...our standards are getting pretty low considering some of the parents we've run into at Preschool and Kindergarten registration.  And since the Best Friends moved to Maine, we've been rather lacking in close social circles.


So we waited for a nice evening to stroll over with our freshly potted planter of herbs, and say Hi.

Up we strolled and caught them outside playing.

Introductions were made.  The kids hit it off, they dashed inside...we followed while doing the whole 'oh, we don't mean to stay long' kind of thing.

A half an hour later, I was packing up to leave...having had just about enough.

The mom is definitely not someone I want to really hang out with, or talk to very much.  I don't see wine glasses on the back deck in our futures.

The dad...well...he liked telling us about all of his tattoos.  (I have two...so I can't talk.  But I haven't randomly flashed body parts to complete strangers and explained the meaning behind each one...EVER).

She politely scowled when I explained that I am not a Stay at Home mom.
 
The Child.  Oh The Child.

He was not nice.  To the point Kiddo doesn't want to play with him ever again.

He threw things.  He yelled.  He apparently wrapped something around Kiddo's neck and tried to choke him.  He told Kiddo to leave more than once. 

Kiddo just didn't know how to take this.

I didn't either.  I wanted to park their kid in time out...all by myself.  Sort of a 'citizen arrest' kind of thing.

 Rather eye-opening I think.