It's my Generations Pearl Harbor, or D-Day, or even the Day JFK was Assasinated.
I didn't understand why my Grandparents and Parents were emotionally vested in those days.
They meant nothing to me.
I wasn't there.
But I was there, on 9/11.
To me, it means a loss of innocence.
A loss of pure safety.
A loss of haughtiness that comes along with being American. We'd never had anyone attack us in quite this way on our own soil...ever. We were safe here. No mobs were bombing cars out in OUR streets. No dictator was leading OUR men and women to slaughter.
We were safe.
La da dee da.
WERE.
Now, to be honest..
I'm a bit ashamed of myself.
Yes, if you are of Arabic descent, I am looking at you out of the corner of my eye.
It's terrible...but it is the truth.
I'm watching you at the airport.
I'm watching you in the subway.
Hell, I am even watching you in the grocery store.
You were probably born here, and love America as much as I do...but I can't sit down and chat with you over a cup of coffee. I have to make a fast judgement based entirely on appearance and go with that.
I have this sixth sense that I call the 'Jingle Jangles'. I listen to this instinct.
If the Jingle Jangles go off I find an escape route IMMEDIATELY.
The Husband works with a guy that sets off major alarms.
And so far, I haven't had the Jingle Jangles go off in one of these situations. You're Ok.
You are simply trying to get through your day, do your job, and keep under the radar of the stares.
Because I KNOW that I am not the only one watching you.
And I am sorry that it has come to this in 2011. By now, according to the cartoons in the 1980's, we should all be living in Harmony with No Nukes.
Ha.
9/11 started out normal for me. I drove into work.
I crossed the big bridge into the city and marvelled at the beautiful blue sky.
It was a Tuesday.
And they were talking about the Mayoral Election in NY on the Radio.
I got into the office and sat down at my desk.
846a...a co worker rushes back...plane just flew into the First Tower.
WHAT? What happened?
What crazy pilot flew INTO that big tower?
What?
I was standing in front of the TV in a co workers office when the second plane struck.
I jerked...my whole body jerked. My hands covered my mouth and I looked wide eyed at my Boss.
We just looked at each other. I think someone screamed...
This was no accident.
This was something completely different.
And I cried.
Because I had NO idea how to process this.
NONE.
I just stood there with co workers, and watched people die.
RIGHT THERE...in front of me.
I called my mom, who worked the night shift, trying to wake her up.
I was screaming into the answering machine for her to please wake up.
She finally called me back...quite pissed that I had woke her up "Are we under attack or something?" she asked...having no idea.
"Yes, Mom...we are"
And thus my whole world was changed forever.
I can't erase that image...
My cell phone started ringing.
It was The Husband.
Stay at work he said.
DO NOT LEAVE.
When he says that, in that way, I do what I am told.
I remember the plane hitting the Pentagon and immediately typing out an email to a friend of mine...who was pregnant. Her husband worked there.
What ELSE was going to happen?
Where was the next attack?
How many of them are there?
Just helpless...just absolutely helpless.
Flight 93 crashed into the field in Pennsylvania. I don't even want to think about what all of those people on those planes went through. The terror. The knowing.
And we watched...all day.
I saw the first tower collapse. I had no idea how big those towers were (I had never seen a sky scraper before) and in my naivete, I imagined everyone had had time to get out.
I thought about what I would do if I was ever in that situation. I planned my escape, or my quick death.
What was happening?
Who would do such a thing?
What other plane was going to fall out of the sky?
Make it STOP.
And the trains became silent...there is a train station near my old job and we would hear that rumble ALL day long.
Nothing. Silence.
There were no sounds from overhead of planes winging towards the airport.
Nothing. Silence.
And we waited.
Holding our breath.
Shocked.
Scared.
But then the Anger set in.
Who DARED strike us? Who DARED do this to us?
And an outpouring of American Pride washed across the Nation.
Flags everywhere...bumper stickers...WE LOVED AMERICA.
Ten years later, we're still fighting this war.
We got the Leader...and I remember looking at The Husband and saying 'oh shit' the morning they announced Bin Laden had been killed.
American's, quite the microwave society, are tired of fighting.
I think we've Forgotten.
We want to sit down again. Withdraw our troops. Stop this fighting.
But do you remember what they did to us? We cannot back down.
Then they win.
And we will live in Fear forever.
And yes, it means The Husband has to leave for a year at a time.
But if it means that Our Son doesn't have to go fight a War his Father couldn't win...then it is worth it.
For the Next Generation. So they can build on what we have started.
No comments:
Post a Comment