Please

I've now been working in an OB/GYN office since December and am truly an expert in everything OB/GYN related.

Yeah...not so much...

Considering Doc went to school for like a gazillion years and I've managed to acquire a Broadcasting/Journalism degree that was useless and now in school for a Medical Assistant Certification.

Yeah...I'm an expert.

Insert *snort* here.

However, people think I am an expert when they find out where I work.

My newest replies are...

"You might want to call your doctor" 

"Hmmm..have you talked to your doctor"
 
"Oh. My. GOD...that happens right before YOU DIE!"

Well...I've wanted to use that last one, but haven't.

I am truly loving my job, and most days feel like I am behind the power curve by quite a bit...but I am getting there and enjoying it very much.

There are a few things I want to get off my chest however.

When you call for an appointment...I NEED to KNOW what it is that YOU NEED.  Telling me one thing, and then showing up for a whole other issue FUCKS our day up.  A simple 'yeast infection' visit is blocked off as just a few minutes on the schedule.  However, if you roll in and decide that you need a full on round of cultures because your boyfriend was cheating on you....and you have some funny stuff going on 'down there'...and you need it checked...then that takes longer....and I get in trouble because I don't have you scheduled right.

Plus, if we have you scheduled for A...and you show up for D...and your insurance won't cover D...you've wasted our time, your time...everybody's time. 

I am NOT going to judge you.  Just TELL me.  Believe me...you won't be the first, nor the last...nor the worst.

Next...if I ask for a urine sample...just pee in the effing cup.  Come one ladies.  We are not partying with it after hours.  We are not selling it on the black market...or gold market.  We don't care if you gave a sample at the other doctors office this morning.   I need you to pee in the cup.  Just pee.  Please...just pee and don't give me a hard time.  I really don't want to mess with it either, but something might come up during the exam and we need that pee.  You can tell a lot from pee... just pee in the cup.

If you are going to make an appointment...please keep the appointment, or call.  You've just blocked off half an hour for an annual visit and you didn't show.  Yeah, it opens us up to get paperwork and other stuff done, but it costs us a visit that we could have used for someone that really needed to be seen today. 

And pee in that cup...pretty please.