Please

I've now been working in an OB/GYN office since December and am truly an expert in everything OB/GYN related.

Yeah...not so much...

Considering Doc went to school for like a gazillion years and I've managed to acquire a Broadcasting/Journalism degree that was useless and now in school for a Medical Assistant Certification.

Yeah...I'm an expert.

Insert *snort* here.

However, people think I am an expert when they find out where I work.

My newest replies are...

"You might want to call your doctor" 

"Hmmm..have you talked to your doctor"
 
"Oh. My. GOD...that happens right before YOU DIE!"

Well...I've wanted to use that last one, but haven't.

I am truly loving my job, and most days feel like I am behind the power curve by quite a bit...but I am getting there and enjoying it very much.

There are a few things I want to get off my chest however.

When you call for an appointment...I NEED to KNOW what it is that YOU NEED.  Telling me one thing, and then showing up for a whole other issue FUCKS our day up.  A simple 'yeast infection' visit is blocked off as just a few minutes on the schedule.  However, if you roll in and decide that you need a full on round of cultures because your boyfriend was cheating on you....and you have some funny stuff going on 'down there'...and you need it checked...then that takes longer....and I get in trouble because I don't have you scheduled right.

Plus, if we have you scheduled for A...and you show up for D...and your insurance won't cover D...you've wasted our time, your time...everybody's time. 

I am NOT going to judge you.  Just TELL me.  Believe me...you won't be the first, nor the last...nor the worst.

Next...if I ask for a urine sample...just pee in the effing cup.  Come one ladies.  We are not partying with it after hours.  We are not selling it on the black market...or gold market.  We don't care if you gave a sample at the other doctors office this morning.   I need you to pee in the cup.  Just pee.  Please...just pee and don't give me a hard time.  I really don't want to mess with it either, but something might come up during the exam and we need that pee.  You can tell a lot from pee... just pee in the cup.

If you are going to make an appointment...please keep the appointment, or call.  You've just blocked off half an hour for an annual visit and you didn't show.  Yeah, it opens us up to get paperwork and other stuff done, but it costs us a visit that we could have used for someone that really needed to be seen today. 

And pee in that cup...pretty please.

Shocking...

Kiddo had his first Parent Teacher Conference on Monday night.

A week before the Blessed Event, I actually received the paperwork home via his backpack (the Folder is a Freaking Flop by the way).

The Husband and I were asked to sit down and write down Kiddo's 'Likes' and 'Dislikes'.  Plus, we were asked to discuss what we felt were his strengths and weaknesses, and 'Issues You Feel We Need to Address'.

Being the honest Parents that The Husband and I are...we realize that Kiddo has some Issues.

Even though we think he is the Most Perfect, Most Wonderful, Smartest, sometimes Most Irritating Little Boy on the Planet...

The Issues are as Follows:

Following Directions.

Paying fucking attention to something...other than Cars, or Thomas, or shiny objects.

And he Talks too Much.

Now...I have NO idea where he gets these traits. 

I'm pretty quiet.  My own mother has stated that I started talking when I was nine months old and haven't shut up since....

Oh wait...

Hmmmm....

But anywhoo...we go in, sit down in the itty bitty chairs...

Kiddo thinks he is in trouble...I've explained he is Not.

Teacher #1 and Teacher #2 smile and laugh...we go over the List.

Number one:  We all agree he likes Preschool.

Number two:  We all agree that he likes his Friends.

Number three:  We all agree that he does not like packing his lunch (that's an entire fricking fracking blog in itself).

Number four:  We all agree that he is happy that Dad is home.

Number five:  This is where we discover that our child is really the same kid at home that he is at school...

He thinks Directions and Instructions are for Sissies apparently. 

Standing in Line...yeah right. 

Sitting down...double yeah right. 

Participating in classroom activities...triple yeah right. 

He's smart...very articulate...talks well and is excelling with the preschool academics even better...

But being still...not on his Agenda...

Teacher #1 and Teacher #2 agree that it doesn't seem he has an underlying issue (I know where they were going)...but its just the fact that he has Other Things to Do.

Awesome.

Another year in Preschool will help this issue quite a bit...and we agree.  Since he is an August baby, and much to my Father In Law's Bitter Resignation...he is being held for Kindergarten until he is six. 

Another year of Tuition...Goodie.

And packing that Stupid Lunch every day.

I hate Packing Lunch.