Skinny people clothes

I am on a diet...

*insert understanding nod here*

Which means I am cranky, foul, crabby, and starving most of the time. But I am determined to get 20 pounds off of my tail.

However, that 20 pounds doesn't want to move.

I've been hungry since the 8th of January, and have lost three pounds. Wow...three whole pounds.

Five years ago I was a size 22. My best friend (who abandoned me this summer and moved to Maine) started losing weight. I got tired of being the obligatory fat friend, so I worked on it. 75 pounds later, I was looking cute.

Then I got pregnant.

The day I had my son, I refused to let them weigh me. At that point I KNEW I was over 200 lbs and I didn't want to physically see that.

I lost ALL of my baby weight really fast. I am talking 10 pounds a week. By the time I went back to work 7 weeks later, I was close to my old weight.

Fast forward nine months until hubby came home from Iraq. During that nine months I hadn't even looked into a gym...but I was still at my cute weight...considering the child didn't let me eat anything but cereal at midnight.

Then suddenly I get to eat again, and go to restaurants, and stuff.

I am now knocking on 200 pounds again. Well...I'm on the sidewalk.

But this weight doesn't want to let go!

I'm doing WW points. Puhlease. I can't eat anything without wondering how many points it is. I am sick to death of broccoli and cauliflower and spinach... I want FOOD people. I don't want to eat another cup of yogurt, or a cheese stick. Yum.

I am calorie counting too...no more than 1500 a day. That's fine until dinner time. By that point I am ready to eat anything in the house if it isn't nailed down.

Six small meals a day, 1500 calories limit, moderate working out...that's how I did it before. Apparently my ass doesn't want to let go this time.

Ass....

I want to get on the scale this morning and be below 180 pounds. I can't get there. I am stuck at 181 with a nice roll of back fat, jiggly butt and jiggly thighs. I have a gorgeous muffin top that I can hide with sweatshirts, but in a few weeks, it's gonna be summerwear time, and I am going to be THAT person that can't wear anything.

Because they don't make clothes to fit semi-fat people. You are either skinny with bigger sizes to accentuate the bulges and stretch over the parts that are not skinny anymore, or you are plus size with nice clothes cut to skim over the bulges. I know, I was once a plus size. I am now in the category of 'gotta get this weight off my ass'.

I want to buy skinny clothes again, and not be tugging at my clothes all day. I want to not have my back fat roll out if my shirt happens to ride up and show off my tramp stamp.

I want this weight to BE GONE! Find a new home...find a hobby, just get off my ass!

All done

I grew up as an only child.

I was not spoiled as my parents were lucky to keep the bills paid, a roof over my head, and food on the table. I did learn how to work hard, and I have an awesome friendship with my parents.

My husband has a sister, but they don't talk much. I actually sent her an email yesterday to make sure she was still alive. She is.

My son will be an only child. There will be no more children in this house.

It's not a biological problem, so please no one feel terribly bad that I am barren or something. We decided that we are one and done, so to speak.

Our reasons, as I have to give to everyone because apparently we are freaks in society are as follows:

1: I had severe PPD after our son was born. My husband was in Iraq, I managed to draw 'the sickest kid ever' out of the genetic pool, and I have had issues with depression before. I really never ever ever want to go through that again.

2: Finances: Have you seen the cost of daycare now? I would be giving my entire paycheck over to these people. No thank you.

3: Lifestyle: We like being comfortable. We're just selfish like that.

4: My husband is military and is set to deploy again. I don't want to do it with two, alone, for another year, and have him miss out on everything AGAIN. That was fun enough the first time around. See number 1.

5: I just don't wanna.

But, here's the kicker. I've now developed a lovely case of Baby Fever, and it makes no sense to me whatsoever. I have never had Baby Fever. Our son was not the result of Baby Fever, he was the result of a 24 hr miscalculation in my cycle.

I sat gazing at a baby at the restaurant last night and wondering what it would be like to do that again with a baby that isn't running a 103 degree temperature and screaming his head off 24/7. Then of course, my dream last night was about us having another baby. His name was Isaiah (I had to type it three times to spell it right if that tells you anything), and I gave birth without the epirdural and it was NOT my old obstetrician (who would not deliver any more of my children even if I was having another one). But I digress.

My husband was so good during the dream, and there wasn't the stress and drama of our son's birth underlying everything. I locked down in labor for him to get there and refused to have the baby until he was there. Ever hear of a woman stopping her own labor? I did. I flat out refused. Plane delay or flood...our son was not coming until my husband got there. He got there many hours later, I shot to 8 cm and was pushing an hour later.

I'm a control freak, and my husband got his vasectomy done back over the summer. I don't want to get pregnant again, at least I didn't. But now I am all warm and fuzzy over the thought of it. Which is totally freaking me out!

I can't get pregnant. Thank goodness. The vasectomy took, and there are no swimmers. I can't sabotage birth control and make it happen. I don't think I would though...I really don't.

I feel lonely for our son though. He won't have any close cousins as we are hours from our nearest relatives (we like it like that), and no siblings. He'll just have to make friends like I did I guess.

My heart aches for him when I see two brothers playing together and tackling each other. He won't ever know that. Or the strained relationship of siblings that can't stand each other.

He wont' ever know what it's like, and it's all our fault.

We've mulled over adoption in a few years. Otherwise, it's just the pitter patter of one set of feet in our house.

But then I think of what he will have. We can provide a decent financial base for him to start out in life if we chose to release it. If my kid turns out to be a greedy turd, that dough is going towards momma having a big vacation.

He will have a close relationship with us, I hope.

He won't see mommy sitting in the middle of the living room floor sobbing for hours on end.

I think that one is the best reason of all.

Technology has Robbed us

Technology has robbed us my Fellow Americans.

It has taken one very satisfying frustration venting tool out of our lives. It is slowly being removed from our world.

No, its not the stupid squeezie ball thing they hand out everywhere. Seriously, who uses those anyway? My dog just chews them up and my toddler thinks they are 'icky'. What corporation keeps making these toxic balls of hardened goop with weird logos? Come on, we need more PENS, not weird squishy balls!

Anyway....

Its a slow progress of removal...one you may not have noticed yet...but you will soon.

You cannot , under any amount of stress and anger, hang up a cell phone and make an angry, vent satisfying, loud, attention gathering impact. It doesn't happen.

There is no satisfying SLAM of a landline phone back into its cradle. There is just a measley little 'beeeep' and a 'click' if you have one like mine, and that's it. Or if you have my husbands phone, there is a 'swoosh' when you hang up.

WOW...that's just scary.

'Swoosh'.

What was that? Was that an ANGRY 'swoosh', or just a 'swoosh'?

You can push that red button really hard, and make gutteral noises and angry faces at the phone itself, but its just not the same.

Go ahead, try it....I'll wait. Get your cell phone out and hang it up in an angry manner...do it hard! Be angry at the cell phone.






See....not much venting satisfaction with pressing really hard on the little red button.

Not the same. Not even close to that satisfying slam of a land line phone back into its cradle. Or the classic 'missed the cradle and get even madder' moment when you get to slam it again and again.

You can't make your co workers jump with a 'beeeep' and a 'click' can you? Or even a 'swoosh'.

They aren't going to look out of their cubes to make sure you are ok.

They aren't going to whisper amongst themselves about you acting out.

Nope...business as usual, because no one heard the 'beeeeep' and 'click' , or 'swoosh' when you angrily closed that cell phone.

However, with a cell phone, you CAN sling it after you have angrily punched the little red button really hard. Just make sure you sling it onto a soft surface, or you're out a cell phone.

Not at a co worker please.

It's still not the same.

Farewell angry hanger upper...we will miss you!