All done

I grew up as an only child.

I was not spoiled as my parents were lucky to keep the bills paid, a roof over my head, and food on the table. I did learn how to work hard, and I have an awesome friendship with my parents.

My husband has a sister, but they don't talk much. I actually sent her an email yesterday to make sure she was still alive. She is.

My son will be an only child. There will be no more children in this house.

It's not a biological problem, so please no one feel terribly bad that I am barren or something. We decided that we are one and done, so to speak.

Our reasons, as I have to give to everyone because apparently we are freaks in society are as follows:

1: I had severe PPD after our son was born. My husband was in Iraq, I managed to draw 'the sickest kid ever' out of the genetic pool, and I have had issues with depression before. I really never ever ever want to go through that again.

2: Finances: Have you seen the cost of daycare now? I would be giving my entire paycheck over to these people. No thank you.

3: Lifestyle: We like being comfortable. We're just selfish like that.

4: My husband is military and is set to deploy again. I don't want to do it with two, alone, for another year, and have him miss out on everything AGAIN. That was fun enough the first time around. See number 1.

5: I just don't wanna.

But, here's the kicker. I've now developed a lovely case of Baby Fever, and it makes no sense to me whatsoever. I have never had Baby Fever. Our son was not the result of Baby Fever, he was the result of a 24 hr miscalculation in my cycle.

I sat gazing at a baby at the restaurant last night and wondering what it would be like to do that again with a baby that isn't running a 103 degree temperature and screaming his head off 24/7. Then of course, my dream last night was about us having another baby. His name was Isaiah (I had to type it three times to spell it right if that tells you anything), and I gave birth without the epirdural and it was NOT my old obstetrician (who would not deliver any more of my children even if I was having another one). But I digress.

My husband was so good during the dream, and there wasn't the stress and drama of our son's birth underlying everything. I locked down in labor for him to get there and refused to have the baby until he was there. Ever hear of a woman stopping her own labor? I did. I flat out refused. Plane delay or flood...our son was not coming until my husband got there. He got there many hours later, I shot to 8 cm and was pushing an hour later.

I'm a control freak, and my husband got his vasectomy done back over the summer. I don't want to get pregnant again, at least I didn't. But now I am all warm and fuzzy over the thought of it. Which is totally freaking me out!

I can't get pregnant. Thank goodness. The vasectomy took, and there are no swimmers. I can't sabotage birth control and make it happen. I don't think I would though...I really don't.

I feel lonely for our son though. He won't have any close cousins as we are hours from our nearest relatives (we like it like that), and no siblings. He'll just have to make friends like I did I guess.

My heart aches for him when I see two brothers playing together and tackling each other. He won't ever know that. Or the strained relationship of siblings that can't stand each other.

He wont' ever know what it's like, and it's all our fault.

We've mulled over adoption in a few years. Otherwise, it's just the pitter patter of one set of feet in our house.

But then I think of what he will have. We can provide a decent financial base for him to start out in life if we chose to release it. If my kid turns out to be a greedy turd, that dough is going towards momma having a big vacation.

He will have a close relationship with us, I hope.

He won't see mommy sitting in the middle of the living room floor sobbing for hours on end.

I think that one is the best reason of all.