Legos...really...how hard can they be?

Have any of you checked out Lego's lately?

If you haven't, you are in for one Hell of a Treat when it comes time to purchase them for your budding Engineer/Rocket Scientist/Child that will make you look DUMB.

Cause they sure as Hell are NOT like they used to be.

I remember a plain bucket of bricks...and you just built and built and built...and knocked them down...

Now they come in Sets.  Pirate Ships.  Star Wars.  Cool stuff.

Neat...this will be really cool.

My parents would never buy them...now I completely understand why.

They hurt...and they are annoying little fuckers.

Not the kids...the Legos.

I bought a rather benign set for Kiddo for Christmas.  They were for the 3+ age bracket.  They made a firetruck/ambulance/police boat.

Cool.

How hard can this be? 

We are going to have fun BUILDING something COOL.

Yeah...you open up the box to about five bags of assorted pieces...and a diagram that only a rocket scientist or a seven year old boy can figure out.

Because this 36 year old Journalist/Medical Assistant can't do it.

I poured out the bags...

Spread out the diagram...

Turned the diagram around...

Flipped the diagram over...

Shuffled some pieces around...

Attempted to get the base of the police boat together.

Got annoyed.

Decided to just Fucking Hide It until The Husband Gets Home.

He's on his way!

No...not Santa...

That big elf dumped enough crap here that I really don't want to see him again for a while. 

I mean really...WTF was I thinking during my last shopping excursion?  Legos?  OMG...I need to slip some of these things away and hide them.  I can't take it.  Between that box of six gazillion Lego's pieces to make a freaking firetruck (along with diagram instructions) and the Finn McMissile that you can take the wings, tires, and propellers off of and redesign it (only the Kiddo can't manipulate it so I am taking the wings, tired and propellers off every ten fucking seconds for him to redesign it) I'm about to bag it all up.

But anywhooo...

The Husband...he's the one on his way!

He's already left his base and is at another 'prep' location.  I can't pronounce it.  But that's ok.

It's funny to hear a hillbilly completely butcher the Arab language...or whatever language...any language. 

But he's started Leg One.

Now I am having an Anxiety Attack about him coming home.

I remember the Craptasticness that the first Reintegration was. 

And then I am SOOO excited to see him! 

He's promised to see a Therapist...I'm already seeing a Therapist.  I love him to pieces, but I know I'll be watching him closely.  Waiting for the Piss Ass Husband to emerge.

I hope he doesn't.  I'd really like to just get The Husband back home and leave all the Craptastic Garbage overseas.

Plus I would really really like to have a second set of hands to field Kiddo.

Oh yeah...and I need an audience for the Most Awesome Welcome Home Honey outfit that I bought at Fredericks with my first paycheck.

*grin*

Long story short...well, probably not so short...

Last Tuesday I went and did this:



That's allergy testing...The big whelts are trees.  Pretty much all trees...I don't like them.  I guess my cussing of the oaks in my front yard came back and bit me in the ass. By the time my 20 minutes were up, the third line had completely run together.

The doctor was an Idiot.  The office used to be the one I took Kiddo too, but the doctor that I loved has left, this Idiot has bought it, and the Medical Assistant that took care of me felt obligated to completely unload her troubles on me as she administered 100 tests on my back.

Needless to say, I'll transfer my files elsewhere before my next visit.

Not only did I react to trees, but pretty much every food they tested me with except for the meats, oats, soy and rice.    The right side of my body apparently wasn't in the Medical Assistants field of view when she was taking the pics...so I have no photos of THOSE whelts.

But she said " How ya doin' honey....(pause pause) oh lawd (pause pause)" when she saw my back after ten minutes of me sitting there.

Idiot never saw the whelts as she cleaned me up and cortisoned me all over...then I got dressed. 

Idiot then sat there and tried to sell me mattress covers for dust mites (got those), HEPA filtration systems (check) and told me to reduce the carpeting in my house (already did).

I was more concerned about the damned food allergies than the fucking dust mites...thanks.

He didn't seem concerned, but Idiot proceeded to just tell me about allergy shots, didn't order blood work, and by the way, he said that I should carry an Epi-Pen.

What the Fuck dude?

You aren't concerned?  But I should carry an Epi-Pen?

Make sense to anyone else?

Oh yeah, and to just keep eating as normal.  If it bothered me, stop eating it.

I guess like the night that black beans in my burrito put me in the emergency room with swollen face and throat.

Holy Shit Batman...

I should have charged HIM for the visit.

I went to my new job and showed my doctor the pic.

She was very concerned about how I was feeling.

I was feeling fine...but my left shoulder...I wanted to find a big scratching post and just rub all over it.

The Husband's reaction... "Holy SHIT!"

Uh huh.

Took two days for the whelts to go down.  That's a pic from Thursday.

Then we get to the Pharmacy part of the story.

My inlaws are in town...we've been out to dinner.  Might as well go pick up the slew of prescriptions that Idiot called in for me.  I agreed with the majority of them, and knew it would cost me a pretty penny.  If the inhalers and pills kept me from having six weeks of bronchitis again for a while, I'll cope.

Got to the window.  Miss Judy was my clerk.  She's so nice.

We chatted.

She told me that my total was...and she grimaced.... $220.34. 

I blinked, but I wasn't really shocked.  Epi-Pens are not cheap...neither are most inhalers.

I thought my Mother In Law was going to crap her britches.

She sputtered and stuttered like a Volkswagon on a cold morning.

This woman buys ALL of her medications at the Dollar Store.

Or bums samples from her doctor.

So I handed Miss Judy my debit card.  Might as well.

Miss Judy runs it...

Then whispers "Do you have another card?"

My heart sank...'What?'

"Do you have another card sweetie, this one was declined"

Of course the Inlaws are hearing every word...so I fell totally incompetent.

I just smile and say "Uhm...yeah...that's weird"

And it was weird.  I was feeling really weird.  And my blood pressure was sorta up.

So I pass through our credit card and pray to all things holy, in my head, that it went through.

It did.

At the same time I am frantically checking my bank account online.

Thank you App.

I have money.

Lots of money, considering I haven't done the transfers yet to the bills and so forth.

It's nice when The Husband is deployed.  The numbers are pretty.

But back to the story... I inform Miss Judy "There's money in the account...probably a fraud alert"  And smile.

She's probably heard that before.

She smiled back.

My Mother In Law is digging in her purse...I guess thinking I need money.

I hand her my bags of medicines and we proceed to pull out.

She's counting the co pays and trying to add them all up...all the while exclaiming because I spent so much.

Hell lady...you ain't seen nothing until you drop $80 on a box of Pulmicort that lasts a week..and $45 on a little bottle of ear drops that last a few days...thank goodness I have insurance...oh thank goodness.

We get home, I log in to the bank account...all the while playing it cool.

No alerts.

I call the hotline...and wait and wait ...oh yeah, and wait.

All the while, Kiddo is revving up all the stinking remote controlled toys they bought as loudly as he can.

And Father in Law keeps asking if I am upset. 

"No...I'm fine...just really curious as to what is going on"  But in my head, I want to scream "Of course I am upset fuckstick...I just got DECLINED at my local pharmacy by Miss Judy!"

Finally the bank answers...and guess what...they flagged my $220 transaction as fraud since I have never spent that much money at Walgreens.

I pause.

And tell the lady..."I was getting my prescriptions at the drive thru"

She tells me that if I had ran it as debit it would have went through.

Yeah...they don't give you that CODE in the HANDBOOK when you get DECLINED at the DRIVE THRU by MISS JUDY.

But I do appreciate their security.

At the same time, I know Miss Judy and the girls chatted when I left.

Damnit.

I need a breathing treatment now.

Last day

Today is my last day of my self made unemployment.

I've enjoyed my few months of being a part time stay at home mom.

I've really enjoyed being able to get a few errands done, eat lunch, study and THEN go pick up Kiddo at Preschool.

I haven't cleaned out the closets like I said I would.

The cabinet under my kitchen counter is still a disaster.

But I did build two cabinets for the laundry room. 

And have maintained some sense of sanity.

The Husband and I had planned some days 'alone' when he came home during my off time...but that's not going to happen now.

But it is time to go back to work.

Yes...it is.

Grab that brass ring and paycheck while it is there!

Considering the fact that I blew $200 on new uniforms on Monday, bought more Christmas presents for Kiddo, and I am getting a little too relaxed with my studying ( I am still straight A's...just not busting my tail quite so hard anymore).

I need to mix it up a little.

Today, I spent the better part of the morning shoveling (yes, I said shoveling) fucking LEAVES.

The new $20 leaf rake I bought today has a scooped inside that acts as a shovel when you flip it over.

It's awesome.  If you like that in a leaf rake.

Apparently I do.  I was excited.

Dude at Lowe's thought I had lost my mind.  He just walked away.

BUT.

I hate Leaves.

I despise LEAVES.

Fuckers...all of them.

I can almost hear the trees laughing as I scoop, and rake, and blow, and scoop, and drag that damned tarp to the back yard...

Bitches...I have a chainsaw.  I'll take all of you out.

I took pics to show The Husband my progress.  He gave me the 'I wish I was there to help you' line...my reply was 'If you were here, they'd be done and you'd be bitching louder than me.'  He didn't reply.

Then I sat down and dined on leftover fantabulous Italian from last night, watched The Green Lantern in uninterrupted bliss...and then figured it was time to pick up Kiddo and call my period of  Unemployment...DONE.

*sigh*

I have loved it so.  I feel like my brain is fairly straight now.  I can THINK sometimes. 

But I have also discovered that I hate the sound of Hot Wheels cars hitting the wood floor.  I bought a huge area rug and he always manages to land them right off the edge of it.

Makes me cringe...

About like the sound of a leaf blower.

The Santa Sads....

We've been going to the same Most Awesome, Splenderific, Fantabulous Santa since Kiddo was four months old.

I was online checking Santa's schedule yesterday, and couldn't find it on That Mall's website.

Ohhhhhh Kay.

So, I worded my Google search differently.

I reworded it.

I reworded it again...

I just kept getting LAST year's schedule.

WTF?!

Ok...Facebook...I'll try Facebook.

And on Facebook I found the reason.

Our Wonderful Santa was not being hosted by That Mall this year because they are doing some sort of reconstruction, but made space for some huge ass Winter Festival mess.

No Santa by the way...but a special digital photo booth where Santa magically appears in your pics.  They are going to upload your pics to Facebook and let you download them.

Uhm No.

Yeah...that's the sort of Holiday Magic I want.

Fuck that.

Wonderful Santa has been at That Mall for YEARS....so I posted a question as to where he might be.

Someone privately messaged me and let me know that Wonderful Santa would not be appearing at all this year and that he was very disappointed in how things went with The Mall this year.  She had gotten his name and number last year and was able to call up his Elf and talk to her.

So I sent a scathing You Bunch of Grinches email to The Mall's management and let them know how ridiculous this whole thing was.

And I am super sad because we are missing Kiddo's fifth picture with Wonderful Santa...Probably no magic tricks from a New Santa. 

Shit...I have to find a New Santa.

Crap...I hate that.

I'm not a fan of finding a New Santa...because I freaking loved Wonderful Santa and this sucks eggs.

Big rotten donkey eggs.

I've got the Sads....big time.

Bah Humbug.

You know...because IT is ALL about me and my Special Snowflake. 

*smirk*