Long story short...well, probably not so short...

Last Tuesday I went and did this:



That's allergy testing...The big whelts are trees.  Pretty much all trees...I don't like them.  I guess my cussing of the oaks in my front yard came back and bit me in the ass. By the time my 20 minutes were up, the third line had completely run together.

The doctor was an Idiot.  The office used to be the one I took Kiddo too, but the doctor that I loved has left, this Idiot has bought it, and the Medical Assistant that took care of me felt obligated to completely unload her troubles on me as she administered 100 tests on my back.

Needless to say, I'll transfer my files elsewhere before my next visit.

Not only did I react to trees, but pretty much every food they tested me with except for the meats, oats, soy and rice.    The right side of my body apparently wasn't in the Medical Assistants field of view when she was taking the pics...so I have no photos of THOSE whelts.

But she said " How ya doin' honey....(pause pause) oh lawd (pause pause)" when she saw my back after ten minutes of me sitting there.

Idiot never saw the whelts as she cleaned me up and cortisoned me all over...then I got dressed. 

Idiot then sat there and tried to sell me mattress covers for dust mites (got those), HEPA filtration systems (check) and told me to reduce the carpeting in my house (already did).

I was more concerned about the damned food allergies than the fucking dust mites...thanks.

He didn't seem concerned, but Idiot proceeded to just tell me about allergy shots, didn't order blood work, and by the way, he said that I should carry an Epi-Pen.

What the Fuck dude?

You aren't concerned?  But I should carry an Epi-Pen?

Make sense to anyone else?

Oh yeah, and to just keep eating as normal.  If it bothered me, stop eating it.

I guess like the night that black beans in my burrito put me in the emergency room with swollen face and throat.

Holy Shit Batman...

I should have charged HIM for the visit.

I went to my new job and showed my doctor the pic.

She was very concerned about how I was feeling.

I was feeling fine...but my left shoulder...I wanted to find a big scratching post and just rub all over it.

The Husband's reaction... "Holy SHIT!"

Uh huh.

Took two days for the whelts to go down.  That's a pic from Thursday.

Then we get to the Pharmacy part of the story.

My inlaws are in town...we've been out to dinner.  Might as well go pick up the slew of prescriptions that Idiot called in for me.  I agreed with the majority of them, and knew it would cost me a pretty penny.  If the inhalers and pills kept me from having six weeks of bronchitis again for a while, I'll cope.

Got to the window.  Miss Judy was my clerk.  She's so nice.

We chatted.

She told me that my total was...and she grimaced.... $220.34. 

I blinked, but I wasn't really shocked.  Epi-Pens are not cheap...neither are most inhalers.

I thought my Mother In Law was going to crap her britches.

She sputtered and stuttered like a Volkswagon on a cold morning.

This woman buys ALL of her medications at the Dollar Store.

Or bums samples from her doctor.

So I handed Miss Judy my debit card.  Might as well.

Miss Judy runs it...

Then whispers "Do you have another card?"

My heart sank...'What?'

"Do you have another card sweetie, this one was declined"

Of course the Inlaws are hearing every word...so I fell totally incompetent.

I just smile and say "Uhm...yeah...that's weird"

And it was weird.  I was feeling really weird.  And my blood pressure was sorta up.

So I pass through our credit card and pray to all things holy, in my head, that it went through.

It did.

At the same time I am frantically checking my bank account online.

Thank you App.

I have money.

Lots of money, considering I haven't done the transfers yet to the bills and so forth.

It's nice when The Husband is deployed.  The numbers are pretty.

But back to the story... I inform Miss Judy "There's money in the account...probably a fraud alert"  And smile.

She's probably heard that before.

She smiled back.

My Mother In Law is digging in her purse...I guess thinking I need money.

I hand her my bags of medicines and we proceed to pull out.

She's counting the co pays and trying to add them all up...all the while exclaiming because I spent so much.

Hell lady...you ain't seen nothing until you drop $80 on a box of Pulmicort that lasts a week..and $45 on a little bottle of ear drops that last a few days...thank goodness I have insurance...oh thank goodness.

We get home, I log in to the bank account...all the while playing it cool.

No alerts.

I call the hotline...and wait and wait ...oh yeah, and wait.

All the while, Kiddo is revving up all the stinking remote controlled toys they bought as loudly as he can.

And Father in Law keeps asking if I am upset. 

"No...I'm fine...just really curious as to what is going on"  But in my head, I want to scream "Of course I am upset fuckstick...I just got DECLINED at my local pharmacy by Miss Judy!"

Finally the bank answers...and guess what...they flagged my $220 transaction as fraud since I have never spent that much money at Walgreens.

I pause.

And tell the lady..."I was getting my prescriptions at the drive thru"

She tells me that if I had ran it as debit it would have went through.

Yeah...they don't give you that CODE in the HANDBOOK when you get DECLINED at the DRIVE THRU by MISS JUDY.

But I do appreciate their security.

At the same time, I know Miss Judy and the girls chatted when I left.

Damnit.

I need a breathing treatment now.