Well, what am I going to do about it?

Standing in the kitchen the other night, my husband looks at me and asks 'Do you want me to deploy?'

Now, how in the hell am I supposed to answer this question?

Yup, I want you to leave me for a year to sixteen months, alone, with our son, while you journey off to a desert region and deal with all that mess. Yup, every girl's dream there darling.
'No... I don't want you to deploy,' was my answer. But so far, that Army thing really doesn't consult me when it comes to deployment rotations. And we are facing another one, rolling up fast.

You see, I had the unfortunate, actually fortunate, luck of getting pregnant November 2006. My husband deployed in August 2007. Do the math. He made it to our son's birth with three hours to spare, spent four days with him, and didn't see him again until he was 10 months old. Thankfully, our child had some kind of psychic gift, knew who Daddy was right off the bat, and never blinked an eye.

I spent the first year as a new mom, on my own. Except for my own mom, who moved in with me and completely took over and made me nuts for about four months, I did it on my own. That's a whole other story. I am grateful she helped me. But sometimes help comes with a huge price.

I really never ever ever ever ever want to do that again. Therefore, we are not having any more children. I honestly began to wonder why people choose to be single parents. Divorce I get, widowed I get, but to just be a single parent for the heck of it...give me a break. I was trying to work, keep the house going, keep the kiddo well for more than ten seconds straight, and keep my sanity. Who in their right mind would do that ON PURPOSE!

Yup...I want you to deploy...right now, so I can do the single mom thing all over again. It was great.

But I know it's his job and it's what the Army does. Not a huge shock there. My husband and I have been together 17 years, married 11, I think I get it by now.

This time will be different though. Our Kiddo is older. He's not as sick. I have my head together. But, my husband will miss our son so much, and he will miss his Daddy so much...and Mommy will miss him so much too. There's email, and Facebook, and webcams. It helps. But when you have to shut down the computer after a web chat, and you proceed to sit and bawl yourself stupid for thirty minutes, then you don't want to put yourself through that again.

We'll know what to expect after Homecoming. It really sucks about two weeks later when all the resentment finally breaks in. And then there's that stress they've been under that starts rolling out in the weirdest places...like on the highway, as they dodge IED's on the side of the road...in America...where we don't really have a lot of IED activity the last time I checked.

Then it takes a day for every day he was gone to get our lives back together. I really didn't think we were going to make it last time. New baby in the house. Stressed out Mommy. Stressed out Daddy. It was not the best time there for a while.

But we did it, and I really don't want to do it again...but what am I going to do about it?

The Army is my husband's mistress, and sometimes that Bitch gets all the attention.