Get your Mammogram..I mean it

Ok…for any guy readers that don’t want to hear about mammograms and fibroids and BREASTS…now is the time to click ‘Next Blog’ and find something more appealing.

Cause this blog is all about getting my first REAL mammogram.

Background story first:

I had a lump show up in my breast when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with my son in 2006. It kept getting bigger and bigger. So my OB sent me to have a sonogram done.

The technician did the sonogram (I have a HUGE history of fibroids in my family), goes back out, and then a few minutes later, as I am finished getting my 20 week pregnant self (the time when you are starting to get pregnant looking and can’t bend right anymore)dressed proclaiming that I needed to get an appointment with a surgeon IMMEDIATELY. That my lump looked suspicious and I needed to contact a surgeon IMMEDIATELY. IMMEDIATELY. Then she left me alone.

OH. MY. GOD.

What???

So I sat there and cried. I walked out the door and cried.

I cried in my car in the parking lot while I was trying to tell The Husband what had happened.

I cried all the way back to work.

By the time I had gotten to my job, my OB’s office had called and talked me down out of the tree I had put myself in.

She had made me an appointment with the surgeon she recommended the next week.

Then my grandmother died. YUP. That night.

So I had all weekend to worry about the lump in my breast, deal with the hot mess family that I share some genetics with (my cousins).

I get to the surgeon on Monday morning…and I am trembling on that table. I’m convinced that I have the BIG C and I am going to die. Here I am twenty weeks pregnant and having to have a needle biopsy of a lump in my breast. WTF?

The nurse was soooo nice. I was bawling when she came in the room. She hugged me. The surgeon was sooo nice. I was bawling while he did the exam.

They did a needle biopsy right there in his office. I cried through that too and they were sooo nice…even when I blurted out ‘I’m sure getting a lot of action here’ because I was so nervous and just couldn’t stop myself.

The nurse knew how terrified I was and I had the results the next day. Benign Lactating Adenoma. And was told to not even try to breast feed. My breasts were FULL of fibroids and pretty much had blown all my milk ducts. Okey dokey…no worries mate. And we moved on. The lump was gone within two weeks of my son’s birth (after my milk dried up). At its biggest, it was probably the size of a golf ball in there….niiiice.

Fast forward three years. I am 35. Time for my first Baseline mammogram. My first REAL Mammogram. I felt like I needed a sticker or something to wear.

I’m hanging out in the waiting room at 830a, with a bunch of ladies reading, knitting, talking…and wondering what in the world I am getting myself into.

I go in…and the nurse leads me to my stall…where she tells me to take everything off, waist up, put on the robe and wait. I have to make the smart comment about the fluffy warm white robes they give you. Apparently everyone makes the ‘spa day’ comment and I am not creative at all.

She comes back to get me, after an eternity of reading some old version of PEOPLE magazine, and down the hall we go.

So my boobs and I get REALLY familiar with the mammogram machine. I am squished, handled, pushed, tucked, hoisted, resquished, get all friendly with the mammogram machine. Thought I was going to have to wrap my leg around it at some point. I am not a small chick…can’t imagine heavier women and how close they would be able to get to this stick of a robot.

The nurse tells me not to move…I laugh. I can’t..really. My left breast is currently being squished between two hydraulic radiation plates…LOL! Move? Ha! I’m in a VICE for crying out loud.

I explain my history and my family history. Fibroids are sooo common and every female in my family has suffered from them. She tells me they will probably call me back to get more views.

Two days later, I get the call back. I had that one second of stomach drop, then I am Ok.

The poor nurse on the other end of the line is probably expecting me to freak out on her. I just laughed and said ‘I’ve been waiting for your call’. She was confused, so once again I explain my personal history and family history.

Since I have lovely DENSE breasts and a LOT of ‘peculiar abnormalities’ I get to go back for another round of mammogram images, along with sonograms! Could a girl get any luckier.

I have to laugh though…otherwise I might cry again.

But this is something every woman needs to do…no matter what or how scared. Because it saves lives. It really does.

And you get to get the fluffy white robe for a little while, hoist those girls up...and get all friendly with the mammogram machine…who could ask for anything more!