It's all in the Details...

The Husband got his Deployment Details.
And it's put me in a Deployment Slump.
I guess it became reality when we got dates to write on the calendar and to work around.
When it's just 'out there', then there really isn't a reality to it.
There is now.
There is paperwork and everything.
We know where he is going.
He knows what he is going to do.
We know when he is leaving.
Let's just say, it's a tad earlier than we had thought, and it was a hard pill to swallow.
But it's ok.  The faster he goes, the faster he comes home.

But in all seriousness, I am worried about this next year.
I am terribly worried about him and his safety. 
I don't want those cars pulling up in my driveway with the uniformed military members and their somber expressions.
Ever.
This is the Man I grew up with.  We were high school sweethearts.  We've been together over half our lives, we share a beautiful little boy that is having problems keeping his clothes on at daycare (a whole other story).
This is the Man I love.

I'm worried about doing it all again.
The first deployment was, in all honesty, a freaking living hell.
I was miserable with a newborn, post partum depression, trying to work full time, keep my sanity, and had a kid who stayed sick.
I had pressure from everywhere...my job, myself.

This time I am doing things different, but I am still really worried about my sanity.
So I am seeing a counselor starting this week. 

I think I have my ducks in a row....psychiatric counselor....housekeeper (still freaking trying to hire one by the way), doggie daycare for the Dog once a week or so, babysitter for The Toddler once a month. 

I'm just desperately trying to grasp this bull by the horns....but I really don't want to lift my arms up and do it...I'm just exhausted thinking about it.

I thought about quitting my job while he was gone...but then remembered that I kind of need one when he gets back home.  This is not exactly the best economy to mess around with employment status. 

My Employer is pretty good about working with me and everything that goes on.  I am lucky in that regard.

My parents will be able to come and help some when I need them too.  If it hadn't been for my mom last time, I'm not sure what I would have done.  She also made me nuts and made me second guess myself on everything, but that too, is a whole other story.

So the next few weeks will be a whirl wind of getting stuff together and grasping the whole situation.  I know it is his job, and I know it is his duty...and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.  But somewhere along the way, I'll have a wall kicking, snot fest and tantrum. 

Last time I balled his uniforms up and kicked them down our stairwell and stomped them. 

Yes I did.