The Good Doc

Today was the day.

To go get mashed, poked, prodded, and sonogrammed.

I will admit, on the drive there, I was OK.

Got to the office...I was OK.

Got to the little room...I was starting to talk a hundred miles a minute and giggle.

A LOT.

The nurse and I shared a bond.  Husbands that were Deployed.

So I got left to change into the very fashionable flowered 'cape'.

And I waited...and waited.

Sitting on the table was uncomfortable, so I resorted to standing against the wall, and reading my book.

Otherwise, I was going to start pacing...in my hot flowered cape.

Then the Good Doc came in.

I like the Good Doc. 

Precisely why I didn't call my OB on Monday morning.  She would have had me come in, wait a few hours, feel the lump, send me for a sonogram, find the lump, send a report back and THEN send me to the Good Doc.

I cut a lot of crap out and called the Good Doc. 

He poked.  He prodded.  He felt my good ol' Lactating Adenoma on the right side.

Chat...chat...chat.

He poked.  He prodded.  He found the new Pain in the Breast.

Poke...poke...poke.

Pain...pain...pain.

Hmmmmm...he says. 

Hmmmmm?  What the hell does Hmmmmm  mean!?

Poke...poke...stroke...poke.  POKE.

So he literally marks and X over the spot...and goes to get the sonogram machine, and his nurse.

I am left alone...

And now is when I get scared. 

OMG.

What the hell does HMMMMM mean?!

In they wheel the sonogram machine...ultrasound machine...whatever it is...thing with the wand and gel stuff.

Squirt....swirl...slick...swirl...click...swirl...click.

Where have I heard that before?!

I am literally keeping my eyes shut tight.  I don't want to see the screen. 

I don't want to see his face.

I don't want to see her face.

This is it...the Big C finally caught up with me.

"That's a nice little fibroadenoma you have there.  Do you drink a lot of caffeine?"

My eyes pop open. 

Caffeine?  Uhm...Yes.

I don't admit to how much...like four cups of coffee in the morning and about six Diet Mtn Dews a day. 

I am NOT kidding.

"Stop the caffeine.  Soon."

Uhmmmm...Ok.

"You're breasts are full of fibroadenomas.  This one just happens to have gotten irritated or angered"

Yes, he said 'angered'.

Bitch felt angered.  It HURTS.

"Come back in ten weeks...we'll take another peek.  You're fine"

And he patted my shoulder and smiled.

I almost choked up, but I was so relieved that I just 'uhm hmmmm'd him.

So I was sent home with a prescription for 'essential iodine' to help shrink the Pain in the Breast.

Not sure what that is all about...I haven't sucked it up and Dr Googled it yet.

And I have to cut back the caffeine, and wean myself off...or apparently I am going to have more of these.

You know...like I didn't need anymore stress....

I like my coffee...and my Dew.

Caffeine Free Diet Mtn Dew...it does exist...however they do not sell that in my state.  But they do where my In laws live. 

*sigh*