Dance Moms

Kiddo has been enrolled in a Preschooler Gymnastics program at a local dance studio as part of OurMilitaryKids.com.  They give grants to children of deployed soldiers to enjoy an extracurricular activity during the deployment. 

He didn't qualify for the county soccer league because his birthdate was two weeks later than their deadline.

There was NO WAY he was going to cooperate with swimming lessons.  He's too young for Karate.

He LOVED his gymnastics class at his old daycare last year...why not?!

Basically we go once a week, and for half an hour, he bounces around the room like a maniac, sometimes listening to the instructor, and is chased by the girls in the class.

He is the only dose of testesterone in the room.

In my area, the boys are in Karate, or playing video games.

They are not in Gymnastics.

He can't focus long enough to be in Karate...we would be asked to leave.

The first week was a nightmare.  I wanted to crawl under a desk and hide.  He acted like he had never been out of the house...it was awwwwful. 

He was rolling around in the floor. 

Crawling up the mirrors and licking them.

Running around like he was on fire.

I was so 'shamed.

I threatened 'NO TV EVER AGAIN' on the drive home.

Then we developed a sticker reward system that has helped him focus.

Over the past few weeks, he's improved his listening skills, is cooperating,  and is having a good time.

Which is my goal.

I KNOW I do not have Bruce Jenner here...believe me. 

However, the other Dance Moms think they have the next Mary Lou Retton.

Or whatever you call a top notch ballerina...Prima Ballerina I think???

Give me a break.

Its an itty bitty dance studio in itty bitty Central Virginia.

The place is in strip mall.

Your kid is FOUR.

You talk about selling plasma to pay for Jazz, Tap, Ballet and Gymnastics.

(Yes, she did and Yes, she was serious)

If your child is not excelling, you blame the instructor and talk crap about her in the waiting room.

You buy all the little cheapo dance bags, and handmade frilly tutus, and stuuuuffff that they have laying out there to buy.

It's like being in an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras.

I am soooo not in that clique.

I carry in my book and Iphone, I sit in the corner, listen for Kiddo to yell that he has to pee (the toilet is too high and he will pee in the floor everytime if I don't help him)...and just ignore these ladies.

I tried for the first three weeks to engage and make friends. 

Week One...We talked about babies, and toddlers.  About work and school.  About how preschoolers are just little cute spawns.

Week Two, started out normal and then I just listened to the bitching, moaning, complaining and whining, and wondered what I was doing there. 

Week Three, I took a book and half attempted to carry on a conversation.

Week Four, they all exchanged phone numbers and emails...I didn't even get acknowledged.

I quickly realized that I was an outsider and I just didn't 'get it'.

And I am perfectly fine with that.

Come on...for heaven's sake.

If you can't pay your bills (which you just told ALL of us), your kid does not need to be in these classes!

You don't have grocery or gas money? 

Holy crap....really???

But you just bought a $16 homemade tutu.

And new dance shoes....for a four year old...for Jazz class. 

Yes, I am being judgmental, but hell lady, you threw it out there for all of us to chew on. 

I'm sitting there trying really hard not to roll my eyes and knock my head against the wall behind me.

As long as Kiddo is having fun, no longer crawling around in the floor and licking the mirrors in the class, I'll just continue to show up and sit in the corner.

I'm taking headphones next week.